You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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