I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
did i just pee glitter
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
