pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
