I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
