i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
