his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
