I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
