are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
