did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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