this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
