I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
