She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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