the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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