Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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