I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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