A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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