Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
