all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
