you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
