I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
