Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize