just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
