i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
