yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just cut my nipple shaving
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
