His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
