cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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