I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize