just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
