if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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