I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
