"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
