I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
