New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
