Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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