We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
