Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
