So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize