i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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