Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
