I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
