They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
