Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is my gift to your gina
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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