New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize