I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
