If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
