Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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