I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
