the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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