I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize