i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
