why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
