This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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