Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
