Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dignity is for republicans.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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