So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
