Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
