i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
