the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
