I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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