Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
