a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
