This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
