You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
