someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
