We're like a lot better than the average bears
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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