oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
