you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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