why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
did i just pee glitter
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
