i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize