Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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