there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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