you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
