i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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