i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
