It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
