you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
