oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
