I want to have your abortion
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
