You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
