I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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