all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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