You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
