after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
