Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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