I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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