is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
