i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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