I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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