there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
