how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
