seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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