There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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