non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
