Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
