you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
