I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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