Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
