Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
