i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize