you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
