This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your cock deserves a montage
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
