he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
