Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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