i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
