i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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