you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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