Tell her she can't have a vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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