I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Enjoy the penises
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
