You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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