I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
