Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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