we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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