he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
