You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
