You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
