Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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